I have to be honest, I really don’t like the expression ‘anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Dad.’ I agree with the sentiment, but I think it’s too cliched and perhaps too narrow a concept nowadays. Let me try to explain.
In my opinion ‘father’ is not a noun; it’s a biological term for 50% of our DNA. Being a father means you contributed to the creation of a life, whether you meant to or not. The role the word Father attempts to define is so much more than genetics. And herein lies my problem with 'Father's Day;' it just seems so restrictive. Why is there a day dedicated to people with that specific label? Some could even argue that it’s an outdated word and since nowadays you can be a parent without being a Father, is Father’s Day actually the correct name for it? On a day where we are encouraged to thank men for being a Father, what about the men who would give anything to be a Father but aren’t, or can’t? What about the men who are Fathers to children who, devastatingly, have been taken too soon? What about other relatives who have more of a presence in a child’s life than their Father; male and female - Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles? What about Stepdad’s, adoptive fathers, foster fathers and other role models - the men who step up to love and care for a child they have no biological connection to?
Parenting should be seen as a spectrum of involvement and care, not an automatic right because you are labelled 'the Father' (or indeed 'the Mother'). Labels just confuse people - most notably children. Children like me. Children who feel the bond of a Father with an individual who is not biologically related to them and then feel unsure of what to call them. Generally when people think of the role parent, Mother and Father are the default assumption of the family set up unless we are told otherwise. Step-parents, blended families, two Mothers or two Fathers; this is not uncommon in today's Western society; but parental labels are not defined to take this into account. Whilst we still have these label specific days designed to celebrate a role that excludes the presence and efforts of those without that label, surely these default assumptions are going to remain? It is not a surprise to most people if they encounter someone who has a 'step-father' or a 'step-dad,' as this is a role commonly referred to in society, but by trying to assign names to support the inclusion of a person to whom we are not biologically related, are we actually driving more of a wedge between them? Does the passing on of genetics entitle you to a special day once a year?
By broadening our understanding and celebration of fatherhood to include all men who play a nurturing and supportive role in children's lives, we can create a more inclusive and compassionate society. Celebrating the essence of fatherhood in all its forms can help ensure that everyone feels valued and acknowledged, regardless of their specific circumstances.
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